~You know me, you know why~

That moment where you see Dean in a little, terrified kid. You hear your brother’s words, and you remember, like in a dream, a freckled kid with worn clothes, big eyes and a smile, for you, as he was the strongest person you had ever known, your hero, your personal God. You see the man Dean has become and how he is different from the cocky, no-nonsense person who broke in into your apartment in Stanford. 

And you remember something else…Dean has always been great with kids. He raised you (loved you), made you the man you have become. 

This makes things so very complicated, on so many levels, but you can’t bring yourself to care.

You focus on the kid, on how Dean is helping him, on how he’s shedding a piece of himself to him, to help him. 

That moment where you know why he doesn’t believe in angels. You know why he’s so much against this one angel. It’s not because of your mother. It’s not because he doesn’t believe in God. It’s because he doesn’t think he was worth saving. And you want to shake him, hold him…get into his skull that he is: he’s worth everything. He’s a hero. He’s the best man you’ve ever known. 

\why me: The Winchester Style

That moment where you’re both broken, so much that you cannot understand each other. That moment where guilt is misplaced but despite it all, you still try to help each other. You still watch his back. You’re still there, for him.

\Guilt: The Winchester Style

That moment where he asks you to let him go, where he tries to prepare you to the idea of a Samless world. He is tired, exhausted, insane, frail…and yet, he still tries to be strong. He knows you: he knows you won’t give up. You have nothing left to offer, nothing left…except for Sam and what he is for you: everything. You know how tired he is, because you feel the same; you know what will happen if you won’t save him: you’ll follow him; heaven, hell, a limbo made of oblivion…it’s all the same for you. 

But you will save him, you will bring him back, again…and again. It’s what you do, who you are. 

You’re both tired, broken, exhausted, you both know the taste of hell, you both deserve the rest….but not yet. You’ll go down, together, when times come…and the times is not now.

You don’t talk, don’t tell him anything, you just hold his gaze…a silent promise, an ignored plea…a million of words you don’t need to say. Neither of you do. 

It’s you and him against the world. It’s you and him…or nothing at all.

\Don’t let Go: The Winchester Style 

The moment where he finds his way back to you. You feel, somehow his presence, you feel him, it’s an undercurrent, familiar to you, like your own heartbeat. He has found a way to talk to you, to communicate, to let you know he’s alright - as alright as he can be these days - and somehow you knew it would happen, because it always happens: because it’s Dean, because it’s who you are, it’s what you’ve always done and will keep doing: having each other backs, being each other’s everything. You smile reading his letter, and can’t help thinking that if Death, God and the Devil himself haven’t broken you apart, something like time, like decades separating you, it’s just a glitch. You smile a real smile, because of Dean. As always.

\Far across the distance: The Winchester Style

That moment where it takes just a look and a stranger gets that you’re long time partners - if she only knew - that things are not fine…she flirts with you, there might have been something, if things had been different, in another time, maybe…before so much had happened. As of now, the only thing in your mind, soul and gut is Sammy. She knows, she smiles, she flirts…and right before you say good bye she whispers, “He’s a lucky man…” she takes your hand in hers - no psychic crap this time and adds, “you both are”

She is right. 

\Lucky: The Winchester Style

That moment when he’s alive, after a week spent worrying, because something in your gut tells you that Sammy is in danger. You touch him to make sure he’s alive, that he’s real. He seems lost, confused, hi shirt his dirty with blood…your gut keeps screaming that something isn’t right…but you’ll think about it later. The only thing that  matters now is that he’s fine - and it’s not his blood, you don’t care who belongs to, it’s not Sam’s - and you’re together. 

Later you’ll think back about those first few moments, thinking you should have known, but it’ll only add up to a pile of “ifs” that it’s getting bigger and bigger. You’ll just remember how relieved you were to find him, alive. 

\instinct: The Winchester Style

That moment where you haven’t seen each other for two years, and it takes just a few minutes, it just takes your bodies to touch, to remember, to get into each other’s space, breathing the same air, like you used to, to be so enthralled with each other, that you move in synch, like one, when Jess comes in…and for a moment, Sam, is almost ashamed, like he’d been cheating on her. 

\Breathing in sync: The Winchester Style

That moment where you don’t want to leave his side, even if the world is in danger…even if the mission has always been drilled into you. You want to be there when Sam wakes up - because he will, he has to - because that’s the only thing that matters to you. You want your face to be the first thing Sam sees when he wakes up, you want to be there to pick up the pieces. You have to leave, but your heart is not in it. Your heart will stay in that panic room, keeping vigil. 

Your heart will keep waiting. 

\Heart: The Winchester Style

That moment when even among beatiful women, the ones you’re supposed to spend your whole lives with, you only have eyes for each other; even in a universe where you don’t get along, where you’re estranged, the connection is still there…and when you still want to stay there, you want to fix your bond, because you feel it. Deep down.

\Us anywhere: The Winchester Style

That moment where the only thing in both of your minds is the other: for Dean is to be next to Sam, until the last moment, for Sam is to make sure Dean will make it out of that nightmare alive. None of them cares about surviving, none of them cares about their own lives…because the other keeps it in their hands, because they have each other: it’s always been this way…and it will be like this until the very last moment. It will always be Dean and Sam and Sam and Dean: against the world, against common sense, against reason. 

\You and I: The Winchester Style

That moment where you just got him back, where you just made the first steps and it’s once again crashing it all down upon you. You ask him to carry you, because it’s always been like this, you’ve always been each other’s strenght, and he would…he would crawl and bleed and help you, but he just doesn’t answer.

It’s supposed to be Sam and you against the world…and for a moment you fear the world is winning. 

It’s just a moment, and it scares you more than the monster who has just broken your leg.

\What if: The Winchester Style

That moment where you come back on your motel room, because you’re dying and you don’t want to be alone, you want to spend your last moments with your brother. You called a cab and it took you forever to get dressed and you wore Sam’s hoodie, the one he forgot on the chair after the first night he spent at your bedside. 

You came back because if you drew the short stick, it’s not a big deal…the big deal is not spending your last days with Sam. 

The big deal is that the hoodie smelled like him and you felt dizzy and wanted to see the idiot. 

The big deal coming back to your motel room is that you were afraid: that he’d skip town like you had asked him to and that he hadn’t…that he’d try and do something reckless. 

But for a moment, you don’t care. Sam is there and he’s smiling. 

\I took a cab: The Winchester Style

That moment when you realize that you can’t bring your brother back. You get told that everything is exactly how they want it. Dean is in hell because of you…and you get to live, without him. 

You’re still breathing, but somehow, you’re in the Pit right along with Dean…but you cannot see him, hear him, touch him. You cannot save him.

Life without Dean, that’s your Pit. 

\Hell: The Winchester Style

That moment when he’s about to say yes, because he feels he has to. Because he’ll never really find peace if he doesn’t fix what he did. Even if he’s scared, even if, the night before, at Bobby’s, while you were lying in the dark, you felt his heartbeat under your palm, how crazed it was and you still have bruises for how strong he held you. He is about to say yes, you are scared…and yet you’ve never been more proud than him, as you are in this moment, as he looks at his own destiny in the face, right to fight it, until the very end. 

\Pride: The Winchester Style